I tried to do an all night vigil for the sun last night. This did not happen. I was already dangerously low on spoons from several nights of bad sleep, so I ended up crashing at around three a.m., I think. Set my alarm for 7:45 and actually woke up (this tells you what a better sleep I get in my boyfriend’s bed and house).
Apparently the sun was supposed to rise at 8:09am. LIES. It rose at 8:35am. Predawn was at 8:09. And it was very very cold.
I wish I could say I was super spiritual last night, or that I’d discovered another great Mystery of the Gods, or hells that I’d just flubbed a ritual or something. None of the above. I discovered a Mystery I’d already unlocked, so my Pagan Skill Points didn’t go up at all. (Namely, I was knitting, and there are many Brighidine Mysteries in the craft. Also in the craft of crochet — one that I need to post on, at some point, when it’s clearer in my brain.)
But I was at peace for the first time in a while. My living situation at home has gotten steadily worse, and I am moving out on December 31st. I am finally going to live on my own, and hopefully be able to actually take care of myself and become more responsible (tis really hard to do when all your spoons are spent on your selfish roommates). And have a better relationship with my cat. That’s the theory, at least, though she is pretty evil. This may be impossible no matter where I live.
Anyway. Home life has been stressful. My sleep has been terrible, and I’ve been running around trying to get packed before I go on holiday to my boyfriend’s place, so I can be ready to move when I get back. My cat has been neurotic — mostly because she just is, but also probably because the last time I was out of town for a few days and my roommates said they’d take care of her, they abandoned her for three days. She is currently in much better hands — a druid friend who already has 3 cats is taking care of her. Her interactions with the other felines have been…interesting, apparently.
I have been wound tighter than a harp string. And then my boyfriend’s mom picked me up at the ferry last night, and suddenly everything melted away. I vegged out watching TV last night (I never do this), and then I got online and started posting in our up all night thread for the solstice, and I knitted, and tried to make it past three a.m. But I wasn’t anxious at all while I did any of this. And I slept for four + hours and felt rested afterwards.
Now I am feeling a bit anxious, but that’s just because I’m waiting for my boyfriend to come home from work. Otherwise, I’m so peaceful people might have to check my pulse.
I guess I’m finally getting my yarn untangled.